There once was a King in a far away land who had a very lovely daughter. The King thought that no man was good enough for his daughter, and believe me, there were many who came calling for her hand. One day a black and white knight rode up to the castle gate on a black and white horse. The gate keeper called down,"who goes there?"
"It is I, the black and white knight on the black and white horse." he replied.
"The black and white knight on the black and white horse?" the gatekeeper asked.
"Yes, the black and white knight on the black and white horse."
"What is your business?"
"I wish to ask the king for his daughter's hand in marriage."
"Well, then, come in." The gate is lowered and in rode the knight. He was then directed to the kings chamber, where he knocked on the door.
"Who is it?" Called the King.
"It is I, the black and white knight on the black and white horse."
"The black and white knight on the black and white horse?"
"Yes, the black and white knight on the black and white horse."
"What do you want?"
"I wish to marry your daughter."
"Well then, come on in!" Instructed the King. When the knight and King were comfortably seated, the King said."Well, to win my daughter's hand in marriage, you must complete three tasks for me. First, you must climb the highest mountian in the world. When you have done this, come back and see me."
So off rode the black and white knight on the black and white horse, to find the highest mountain in the world. Months passed and the knight finally returned to the castle.
"Who goes there?" called the gatekeeper.
"It is I, the black and white knight on the black and white horse."
"Theblack and white knight on the black and white horse?"
"Yes, the black and white knight on the black and white horse."
"What is your business?"
"I have come to see the King!"
"Well, alright then." The drawbridge was lowered and the knight rode in. He walked up to the King's door and knocked.
"Who is it?" Asked the King.
"It is I, the black and white knight on the black and white horse."
"The black and white knight on the black and white horse?"
Yes, the black and white knight on the black and white horse."
"What would you like, sir?"
"I have completed the first task you asked of me, and wish to marry your daughter."
"Well, now you must compete the second task. You must swim the widest ocean. Come back when you have done this"
So off the knight rode to swim the widest ocean. Another month passes and the knight returns.
"Who goes there?" called the gatekeeper.
"It is I, the black and white knight on the black and white horse."
"Theblack and white knight on the black and white horse?"
"Yes, the black and white knight on the black and white horse."
"What business do you have here?"
"I wish an audience with the King." stated the knight.
"Well, your in luck, he's free right now." So in came the knight for a third time. He rode right up to the King's door and knocked.
"Who is it?" Asked the King.
"It is I, the black and white knight on the black and white horse."
"The black and white knight on the black and white horse?"
Yes, the black and white knight on the black and white horse."
"What is it you wish to speak to me about?"
"I have completed your second task, and wish to marry your daughter."
"Ah, but there is still the third task to complete. You must find and slay the most fearsome dragon in the world! Return here if you are successful."
So off rode the black and white knight on the black and white horse to find and slay the most fearsome dragon in the world. After several months and a grueling duel to the death, the knight finally returns.
"Who goes there?" called the gatekeeper.
"It is I, the black and white knight on the black and white horse."
"Theblack and white knight on the black and white horse?"
"Yes, the black and white knight on the black and white horse."
"What would you like?"
"I have come to marry the King's daughter."
"Ah, well, come right in." The castle doors are opened and in rode the knight. He walked straight to the King's chamber and knocked on the door.
"Who is it?" Asked the King.
"It is I, the black and white knight on the black and white horse."
"The black and white knight on the black and white horse?"
Yes, the black and white knight on the black and white horse."
"What business do you have with me?"
"I have completed your third task and I wish to marry your daughter," exclaimed the knight.
The king replied, "Sure."

THE WORDPERFECT HELP LINE

This isn't exactly a joke, but it's still funny. It's a true story from the WordPerfect helpline. Needless to say the help desk employee was fired; however, he/she is currently suing the WordPerfect organization for "Termination without Cause".
Actual dialog of a former Wordperfect Customer Support employee:
"Ridge Hall computer assistant; may I help you?"
"Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."
"What sort of trouble?"
"Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."
"Went away?"
"They disappeared."
"Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"
"Nothing."
"Nothing?"
"It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."
"Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?"
"How do I tell?"
"Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?"
"What's a sea-prompt?"
"Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?"
"There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type."
"Does your monitor have a power indicator?"
"What's a monitor?"
"It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?"
"I don't know."
"Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?"
"Yes, I think so."
"Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall."
".......Yes, it is."
"When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?"
"No."
"Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable."
"....... Okay, here it is."
"Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer."
"I can't reach."
"Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?"
"No."
"Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?"
"Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle - it's because it's dark."
"Dark?"
"Yes -the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window."
"Well, turn on the office light then."
"I can't."
"No? Why not?"
"Because there's a power outage."
"A power... A power outage? Aha, Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?"
"Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."
"Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from."
"Really? Is it that bad?"
"Yes, I'm afraid it is."
"Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?"
"Tell them you're too stupid to own a computer."

THE HUNTER, THE FARMER, AND THE DUCK

One day a hunter was out shooting wild ducks. He sited a really nice plumb bird just starting it's take off. He tracked it for a moment before he knelt, taking aim, and fired. It was a perfect kill. The duck spiraled to the ground, landing in a farmers yard. Just as the hunter was hopping the fence to get it, the farmer came out and picked up the duck, starting to carry it away.
"Hey, were are you going with my duck?" asked the hunter fiercely.
"Your duck? It landed in my yard, therefore it's MY duck!" exclaimed the farmer. The arguement went back and forth over the ownership of the bird, when the hunter came up with an idea.
"Tell you what, I'll challange you for the duck... First, I'll kick you in the nuts as hard as I can, then you kick me, we'll go back and forth until one of us falls down. The one left standing gets the duck. How does that sound?"
The farmer agreed, saying,"Well, I'm pretty good at taking pain, and that duck looks like a mighty fine dinner."
So the hunter went first. He stepped back, wound up and gave it all he got right up between the farmers legs. The farmer screamed, his face turning beet red, and crunched over, but did not fall. After several minutes of catching his breathe the farmer finally panted, "Oh... Ok... It's my, my turn to... kick you."
The hunter replied, "Nah, that's ok, you can keep the duck."

THE GREATEST COMEBACK EVER!

This was in the Washington Post...the title of the article was "Best Comeback Line Ever"

Police arrested Patrick Lawrence, a 22-year-old white male, resident of Dacula, GA, in a pumpkin patch at 11:38 p.m. Friday. Lawrence will be charged with lewd and lascivious behavior, public indecency, and public intoxication at the Gwinnett County courthouse on Monday.

The suspect allegedly stated that as he was passing a pumpkin patch, he decided to stop. "You know, a pumpkin is soft and squishy inside, and there was no one around here for miles. At least I thought there wasn't," he stated in a phone interview from the Lawrenceville jail. Lawrence went on to state that he pulled over to the side of the road, picked out a pumpkin that he felt was appropriate to his purposes, cut a hole in it, and proceeded to satisfy his alleged "need."

"I guess I was just really into it, you know?" he commented with evident embarrassment. In the process, Lawrence apparently failed to notice the Gwinnett County police car approaching and was unaware of his audience until officer Brenda Taylor approached him.

"It was an unusual situation, that's for sure," said Officer Taylor. "I walked up to (Lawrence) and he's...just working away at this pumpkin." Officer Taylor went on to describe what happened when she approached Lawrence.

"I just went up and said, "Excuse me sir, but do you realize that you are screwing a pumpkin?"

He got really shocked and surprised, as you'd expect, and then looked me straight in the face and said, "A pumpkin? Damn...is it midnight!"